U.S. Marine Corps Captain Matthew Phelps proposed to his boyfriend at the White House this week. Why the White House? As he told Stephanie Miller this morning, it was where they went on their first date. And Phelps says his military colleagues were among the first to congratulate him.
Watch the whole interview here, and catch “Talking Liberally with Stephanie Miller” weekdays at 9E/6P on Current.
RULES FOR DATING A MARINE’S DAUGHTER
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.”
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a Black Hawk chopper coming in over a san hill near Mogadishu. When my PTSD starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is me
I died of laughter!!
Flipping love my recruiter!!
Drill Instructor Stories
I found this on the Facebook group USMC Bootcamp advice for Girls
These are not written by me, I just found them entertaining and amusing
Hope you guys enjoy!:
“So you’ve seen the video clips and heard all the warnings… Well what kinds of things will your Drill Instructors actually do to you? Lol, let’s see how many I can think of…
1) PICK UP DAY: When I first met my drill instructors, my fellow recruits and I were sitting criss cross on the floor at the front of our squadbay. First the higher-ups came in: our series and company commanders. They introduced us to our Drill Instructors. The three of them marched in and snapped in place for an introductory ceremony. They looked like hornets; the meanest looking women I’d ever seen in my life. Every feature about them was perfect. They were the definition of ‘Sharp.’ At the conclusion of the short ceremony, the Senior Drill Instructor gave the command to her two Drill Instructors to take over. That’s when all hell broke loose. They immediately started screaming at us to “Get On Line” and we all jumped up and ran around like chickens with our heads cut off. A few seconds later we figured out they wanted us to stand in front of a rack. Then while standing on line they had everyone strip down for our first weigh in. They ran around screaming counting down every item of clothing we removed, “10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! Done Ma’am Done!” They had scales at the back of the squad bay and when they called my name, I had to come up, step out of my flip flops, onto the scale, then back into my flip flops… except I had to do it EXACTLY how they screamed at me to do it. They made me start over and over and over again. All the while screaming, “Aye, Ma’am! Aye, Ma’am! Aye, Ma’am!” in my underwear. —-For the rest of Pick Up day, you will spend time setting up the squadbay, squaring away your gear, and getting everything ready to begin training. Sounds simple, but this is likely to be the most chaos and confusion you have ever experienced in your entire life. This is your introduction to military life and it is meant to be a shock. This is when you are beginning to be broken out of your civilian ways and learning to do things as a Marine.—-
2) FUN WITH FOOT LOCKERS: One of the many things that is demanded of you as a recruit is to keep your foot locker neat and organized at all times. Your foot locker is where you keep all of your possessions under a combination lock. Your rifle is also secured with a lock. Your DIs will count you down for everything, even while putting in your combination. You always fear getting it wrong, running out of time, and getting punished, so some girls will try to be smart and simply leave their locks unlocked. This is NOT smart! Sometimes your DIs will get in the mood to check on things, walk across your foot lockers, and pull on your locks. If they find an unsecured foot locker, which they will, they will dump the entire thing on the floor and make you single handedly put everything back. They’ll also do this if they find your foot locker messy. If they ever find you rifle unsecured, they’ll Really get you for that one!
3) COUNTING DOWN: Your DIs will expect you to execute everything as quickly as possible. So when they’re counting you down and there’s one or two recruits that aren’t done in time, they will punish the entire platoon. One popular way for them to work on your speed is to make you continue to do things and continue to be counted down. They’ll say, “Oh, this recruit doesn’t want to put their boots all the way on. So I guess that means they don’t want to put their uniform on either.” And they’ll make the entire platoon, which just finished getting fully dressed, get undressed and redressed all over again, sometimes 2 or 3 times. — Another count down game is making the entire platoon do a mock-inventory, where they’ll make you run to the back of your rack, grab your gear, and get back on line… one item at a time, without putting anything back. Eventually you’ll be holding so much gear that eventually a recruit will drop something. They’ll make everyone put that one item back, then go get it again, or make everyone drop all their gear and pick it all back up again… it goes on and on…
4) YOU THINK YOU’RE FUNNY, RECRUIT? One of my favorite stories is something that single handedly happened to me :) Our platoon was doing the obstacle course and the first obstacle was to climb/swing over a bar that is 6 feet off the ground …Much easier said than done. Every girl was having a hard time and taking several minutes to figure it out. Well I was kinda the comedian of the platoon, lol, I figured I’d do something funny here and there to lighten things up, usually under the radar… I wasn’t so lucky that morning! When it was my turn and I finally got on top of the bar, I looked back at the long line of girls and quickly smiled with my tongue out and gave a thumbs-up! Suddenly I hear, “RECRUIT?!?” …I jump down and snap to the position of attention and face my Series Commander AND Series Gunnery Sergeant (!!!) .
“Recruit?! Did you do what I think you just did?!”
I make my most serious face, “…Yes, Ma’am! This recruit will get more bearing (maturity), Ma’am!”
“Oh I’m sure you will, after we tell your Drill Instructors.”
“Aye, Ma’am!”
I continue on in the obstacle course, when a few minutes later, my DI calls me out. She wants to see exactly what I did. She takes me back to the first bar (in front of all the girls still waiting in line), has me climb my way back on top of it, and give her the exact same expression (which I did!). But it wasn’t so funny to her,
“Oh, you think you’re funny, recruit? We’ll see how funny you are back in the squadbay later.”
“Aye, Ma’am!”
That night back in the squadbay, she calls me out, orders me to stand in front of a full length mirror, drop to the floor, and start doing push ups,
“Since you think you’re so funny, you’re going to laugh at yourself, recruit. And you’re going to keep laughing until I tell you to stop.”
“Aye, Ma’am! Hahahahaha, Hahahahaha, Hahahahaha……”
I keep laughing and pushing as she walks away to continue a class with the rest of the platoon. About 10 minutes later, with me still laughing and pushing, she walks back over,
“I’m tired of hearing your nasty voice, recruit. Laugh silently.”
“Aye, Ma’am! (whispering) hahahahaha, hahahahaha, hahahahaha…..”
I end up laughing and pushing a total of about 30 minutes! Yeah I was tired but it sure was entertaining to my girls!
5) FEEL THE BURN: Even though you are instructed to drink your water canteens non stop all day, you are still expected to keep them both magically filled at all times too (another impossible task). At random, when you are lined up in your squadbay, your DIs will have you hold both your canteens out in front of you so she can check them. Of course there’s always a few recruits with unfilled canteens, so while everyone is waiting on those recruits to fill them up, you have to continue holding your heavy canteens with your arms straight out in front of you. — Another endurance punishment happens during drill, where if your DI thinks the platoon is being sloppy, she’ll have everyone stop drilling, stretch both arms straight out on either side of you, and hold your rifle up by its muzzle with your right hand, and keep that arm level. — Usually they’ll order you to yell or scream something while you’re suffering, “Through Pain Comes Discipline! Through Pain Comes Discipline!”
6) LETS GO TO THE BEACH: Outside of your squadbay will be a large sand pit. It’s only purpose is for your displeasure. Your DIs will use it however they like. Sand fleas will accompany you there. “You get to eat recruits, so let them eat!”
7) STEP IT UP: After miles and miles of hiking with lots of gear on your back, you will get tired and have a hard time keeping in step with the recruit in front of you. Your DIs will not be happy with this. They will prolong your hiking by making the platoon continue hiking in a circle at the end shouting, “Step it up, Aye Ma’am! Step it up, Aye Ma’am!”
8) WAX ON, WAX OFF: One chore you will do every night in your squad bay is pick everything up off the floor and scuzz the deck (clean the floor) by hand with soap, your scuzz brush, and towels. I can’t remember what this one recruit did wrong, but after lights, they had her continue scuzzing the deck, except with her tiny nail brush. As she was scrubbing and crying, they also had her say “Wax on, Wax off!” over and over again! We were all dying laughing in our racks!
9) I CAN’T HEAR YOU! A very frequent occurrence is when your DIs don’t think you’re sounding off loud enough. You will lose your voice several times throughout bootcamp and so will your DIs. Most of the time it’ll be in your squadbay where they will have everyone yell something over and over again. Your DIs will say something like, “I can’t hear you!!!” or “My port holes are still intact!!!”
10) DRILL THIS: Here’s another punishment when you’re being sloppy during drill: Randomly running across the parade deck, having to run back, and get back in formation, and doing it again, and again…
11) YOU OWE ME: If you ever mess up in the middle of a group task where your DI can’t take you out and punish you right then and there, she’ll take out a note pad, glare at you, and say, “You owe me, recruit.” And she won’t forget. Usually she has a list by the end of the night and she’ll quarter deck (PT) you all at the same time.
12) IT’S ALL AN ACT: Yes, your DIs will call you names. They’ll look you up and down and tell you you’re nasty, disgusting, the worst platoon they’ve ever seen, they’ll even get personal and say you’re a disgrace to your family. Like I’ve said over and over again, Don’t take any of it personally! Your DIs are ACTORS! Remind yourself every day and you’ll learn to silently laugh at it all. I know I did :)”
As requested, a Bit About Me
Vitals:
-Enlisted when I was 17, but changed my mind and didn’t ship.
-Enlisted again when I was 19, and shipped.
-Landed on the yellow footprints on August 20th, 2000 and graduated on November 17th, with Platoon 4035 (SDI SSgt Browne, DI SSgt Roberts, DI SSgt Moore, DI Sgt Carter).Boot camp was such an interesting experience. Until you get used to it, it just seems like total chaos, but after awhile, things start to fall into place. I still have all my mail I received and the journal I kept. I managed to get through a month before they knew my name for sure, but one instance at the rifle range (not involving weapons) cemented my identity … and once they knew my name, my life became much more interesting. I was the best sleeve-roller, though; I traded sleeve-rolling for help keeping the flyaways in my hair under control. :D
Col. Robert Jones, commanding officer of the Recruit Training Regiment, speaks with the new Marines of Mike Company, 3rd Recruit Training Battalion, and Oscar Company, 4th Recruit Training Battalion, after their motivational run Feb. 7 on Parris Island, S.C. Mike Company and Oscar Company are scheduled to graduate Feb. 8.
[[Drill Instructor Spotlight]]
PARRIS ISLAND, S.C. – Only about 600 Marine Corps drill instructors shape the approximately 20,000 recruits who come to Parris Island annually into basic United States Marines. This handful of dedicated DIs is entrusted with sustaining a more than 237-year legacy by transforming men and women into the next generation of Marines. This is one of those drill instructors.
Name: Staff Sgt. Kellee Marchiano
Papa Company, 4th Recruit Training Battalion
Joined Marine Corps in August 2002
Became a DI April 2011
Military Occupational Specialty: Ammunition Technician
Native of New Jersey“I heard that they needed female drill instructors and my old company commander and my company first sergeant told me that I had the perfect personality for it and I was meant to do this. So they kind of talked me into it. I’m glad I did. It’s a good time and I enjoy training recruits to become Marines.”
» The Adventures of Tyler O'Brien: Some advice for my fellow poolee's.
If you ever feel like you don’t want to be a Marine anymore, or you feel like boot camp will be too tough, think about it like this: think of all the people who have gone before you, your friend’s, your fellow poolee’s, and your recruiters. They were able to do it. They were able to make it…
